I'll try to be as succinct as possible…

Brendan has been having difficulty in school since Kindergarten.  He acts out a lot.  He got suspended the second day of Kindergarten, and was suspended 4 times (3 out, 1 in) in 1st grade.  Additionally, his teachers have said he is well below the expected level for his grade in reading and writing.  Not to brag, but I come from a fairly intelligent family.  Reading and writing especially, has always been a strong point for all of us.

After the second out-of-school suspension, the Vice-Principal and his teacher recommended him for evaluation for Special Education.  I don't have very good feelings about special ed.  Not that I'm saying there aren't kids who need it, but my brother was forced into it because of his ADD and it fucked him up for life. 

After their reassurances, I agreed to let them do the evaluation.  The process took the remainder of the school year and last week I received the results…Brendan is indeed eligible for special education services due to a relatively significant emotional disturbance and an unspecified learning disability.  While he will stay in a traditional second grade class, he will receive additional educational support from a special education teacher.

This has hit me pretty hard.  Not so much the learning disabilty thing, because that has been suspected since preschool, but the emotional disturbance thing.  As I'm reading the reports from the psychologist, teachers and specialists, I am learning about issues with Brendan I was never alerted to during the school year.

Things such as when he gets angry or frustrated he threatens other students and the school, hides under tables and desks, locks himself in the bathroom, or, and this is the kicker, says he's going to kill himself.

He is only 7 years old.  I don't really even think he knows what he's actually saying.  He just knows it gets a reaction out of people.  He has always had self-esteem issues, despite all my efforts.  He also has an Irish temper, to be sure.  What's weird is, while he sometimes gets angry with me, this type of behavior is not repeated at home.

I don't know what advice I'm really asking for other than just support or if anyone has had similar experiences with their kids to help me through this.

Thanks.

Mac, you and I ought to talk - I'm having very similar issues with Justin right now.  It sucks because I've been very concerned about the notion of him being thought of as "short-bus special" or something like that.  He spent his kindergarten at two different schools (3 if you count daycare); one is called a developmental kindergarten, and then he would go to his regular school in the afternoon.  I think Justin was supsended from school (yes, you CAN get suspended from kindergarten) like 8 times before they put this program in place.  Next year, he will be in a developmental first grade class - I'm not sure what that will look like, but he's going to a fairly distant school and won't get to be with any of his old friends.  I don't want to take over your thread, but I want you to know that I can relate to all your fears, emotions, etc.

You can email me at dapegster at gmail dot com

alright…. I am not sure how things are in your guy's states, but I am certified in Sp Ed (it's called Exceptional Student Education down here) and I often sub in a lot of those classes (Ironically enough, some of my *favorite* classes to sub for are the emotionally handicapped classes which it sounds like your son was diagnosd as Mac).....

Here, they main stream most of the students to some degree or another…. the idea is to have it as invclusive as possible….

Now that Brendan will have services in place, see how he responds…. it sounds like they are keeping him mainstreamed which is optimal really, especially consdiering his primary diagnosis is an emotional handicap because this category especially seems to have problems with change… plus, even though he is behind in one area doesn't mean he is behind in all subject matter so it wouldn't help him to be in straight Sp Ed….

if you need to ask questions, I will see how I can help….

taren_wilsonATyahooDOTcom

Thanks guys.  I'm sure I will have questions.

And Peggles, someone who can relate is exactly what I was looking for!!

I spoke to the Vice-Principal yesterday and got a little more clarification.  They are keeping him mainstreamed, there will just be additional teachers (Special Ed and an assistant) in the classroom everyday.  He will have a couple of other kids in his class who are SE designated as well.  They consider it a "team-teaching" environment so the other, non SE, kids in the class will not be aware of the "special" assistance Brendan and the other kids are getting.

I'm relieved that its not like my brother's experience.  But that was 10 years ago, and I know attitudes and policy has changed.

Virginia, particularly the county where we live, seems to have a fairly decent program for special education services for emotionally handicapped kids.

Mac-

My daughter Shelby has an IEP as she was termed "other health impaired."

She is not learning disabled, but she has ADHD, OCD and an anxiety disorder.  These conditions limited her ability to perform to her maximum potential in the traditional classroom.  We saw it coming down the pike the last 2 years of elementary school, and I kept saying that they needed to evaluate her.  They put her on a "concerns list" and tried to brush most of it off.

Entering middle school compounded it ten-fold.  Her socialization skills with her peers were horrible.  She looks like a middle schooler….but she is socially immature.  Too friendly…too trusting…too literal and too gulible.  She is so trusting and naive that kids were eating her alive.  The first half of the school year was a mess.  She struggled in school…she pulled out her eyelashes(again).  She was so stressed from going to school that she broke down in her doctor's office and begged me to "give her another chance" by putting her in a private school.

I didn't want to do that.  I was afraid if I moved her and the same problems followed….that the failure would crush her.  I wanted her to learn to manage and cope with her peers.  I wanted her to gain success there…which would give her the confidence she needed.

You have to push and push with the schools…my district has some of the best schools in the country (all 3 high schools made the US Weekly tops high schools in the US). But they still seemed to drag their feet to put things into place.

Until I flipped a gasket at them.  And Shelby's psychologist called them and told them they'd be better off playing with me than against me because I "get it."  Should have seen how fast the school psychologist pulled her shit together.

Shelby has remained mainstreamed.  She has an intervention specialist assigned to her.  She has the team-teaching scenario in her math class for extra help.  She has an upperclassman as a buddy to help her guage and handle social situations.  She is allowed to take tests alone if she wants. (watching other kids hand in their tests before she's finished causes her so much anxiety that she couldn't complete hers).

She has her locker away from the other kids.  All that shit that goes on in the hall would get her riled and she'd need half the class time to settle down and focus.

She goes to guidance upon entering the school.  Her counselor and the principal now know her well enough that they can tell if it's going to be a successful day from the get go…or if she needs a little time before joining her peers.

Second half of the school year was a remarkable success.  So different from the begining of the year that I had to pinch myself. Shelby seeing her success…boosted her esteem and kids could see the change.  They started treating her differently.

Her achievement test results were greatly improved.  In fact her reading process and literary text were accelerated.  Math is still on the low end of proficient.  But last year… math scores were terrible and reading was proficient.

She went to cheer camp…was told by the coach that she did great and needed to come back to the summer camp and try-out for 7th grade.  Next week she's going to a private "back handspring bootcamp." 

My family all noticed a difference in her.  She's always going to be chatty.  But the anxiety is greatly diminished. 

She still sees her psychologist…just not as frequent.

It may all start back up when school starts, but I feel that we all are on the same page, and it won't take as long to implement the various interventions.  I'd like to hope that there would be no backslide, but I think it's reasonable to expect some regression.

Funny thing…when I was home…I was out on the boat with an Aunt and Uncle of mine.  He was the Superintendent of Schools for many years…she is a nurse and a school psychologist.  We talked at length about Shelby and all the interventions… and I even admitted to my flip-out at the administrators.  When they went to leave the party…my Aunt Peggy grabbed my hand and said…"don't ever let up on them Darlene, in my career, it's the parents like you who made the most difference to their child."

So stay intune to you son.  You know him best, you are his strongest advocate.  Never settle for anything half-assed, never accept excuses.  Your son is protected by federal law.  They HAVE to provide your son with the necessary resources to succeed.  Remember our experience and realize that things can be a huge cluster-fuck in the begining… and still work out.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Darlene.  It is the parents like you that show the rest of us rookies that it can be done!

I'm hoping that because the intervention is happening so early they might actually be able to make a difference.

I had a meeting with the Special Ed teacher today about the IEP and most of the things she has suggested sound similar to what they did with your daughter (testing alone, specialised instruction, individual guidance, etc.).  She also expressed right off that she thinks most of Brendan's emotional issues will subside (or at least be less intense) if he gets the academic side of things up to par giving him more confidence. 

I think the experience with my brother (and speaking with my mom about it) really helped me be able to ask the appropriate questions and demand the right kind of help.