okay, i don't really have anywhere to share this, so i'll just share it here. i'm a dog trainer. what hurts my feelings more than just about anything is when a friend gets a new puppy or a new dog and won't bring them through my training class. i've always offered friends free admittance to my classes and i've invited them to come when i know they have a dog.

there's something really, personally hurtful about people not taking me up on it. or not asking me questions. or not just asking my opinion. maybe people think they're bugging me something, but i've had a friend before who got a brand new puppy who would never bring it to my class and i thought i was going to die.

maybe i'm being a little melodramatic. it really hurt my feelings.

well, now my boyfriend is getting a dog. and maybe i'm partly jealous, because i liked being my boyfriend's main squeeze and now i'll be sharing him with a dog. and maybe that's really ridiculous because i had THREE FOSTER DOGS up until a week ago that he had to share me with…

but he decided out of the blue, and he decided on a very specific breed. and he hasn't asked my opinion - he's actually kind of implied that i don't know what i'm talking about… and now he's going to look at it on saturday (a day i'm not available to go with - not that he asked). and if he doesn't come to my dog training classes i think my head will explode.

maybe this belongs in the advice section… but why are people like that? if one of my best friends was a successful investment banker and i were about to make a major monetary decision i would ask them for their opinion at the very least (and maybe that's a bad decision because friends and money maybe shouldn't cross - but you get the point - if i were looking for a great wine and i was best friends with a sommelier, i'd ask them for a suggestion)...

i just feel useless and stupid.

p.s. he's pretty much refusing to adopt. even though he seems to have liked all of my foster dogs. and he said at some point that he wanted an adult dog.

p.p.s. my friend went through almost this exact same thing (except she's not a trainer and her bf got his pure bred from his ex-gf's brother) and i think maybe i'm just partly afraid that it's a replay of her life - which is now single

First off… *hugs*

I know I've gone to you in the past with dog advice and you were always wonderful with information.

I think some people are afraid that they will impose on a friend that has the knowledge. Especially when that friend is a successful person like you are. You're strong, independent and you know your shit lol you lead a busy life and sometimes that makes people back off b/c they don't want to "bother" or trouble you with their petty problems (you being used generally there).

As far as the bf, have you talked to him about how it hurts your feelings that he didn't consider you or your advice? Maybe he just doesn't see it as a big deal and b/c he thinks that way, maybe he thinks you do too. Sometimes you have to smack them on the forehead and say HEY--I'M TALKING HERE. lol

I know I'm the type of person that if I know something and someone doubts me, I end up gathering all my info and throwing it at them (while usually doing a little victory dance on their head and telling them I TOLD YOU I KNEW). But, I don't think that's you. lol So, you better just sit him down and let him know how this hurts (otherwise it'll sit in your gut and build into something really ugly). And maybe even give him the head's up about the friend's situation. You know him best and I know you'll do what's best for the both of you.

Just know that I'm here, hell, we're all here for ya if you need us, ok? And even if you don't need us, we're still here. *more hugs*

I agree with Glory on pretty much everything…. but to summarize my opinion:

1.  You rock
2.  People are often afraid to bother awesome   rocking people
3.  Your boyfriend is, ultimately, a BOY. 

I feel the same way you do; I love when people ask me for health/pregnancy advice. I get annoyed or even downright hurt if they ask my opinion and completely ignore it.  I also know that friends sometimes shy away from asking me things because they are afraid they'll be "bugging" me or making me feel like i"m working outside of work.  That's not true, but they worry about that.

Another possibility is that your bf didn't ask your opinion because he didn't want someone to change his mind.  Sometimes I won't talk to friends about a certain problem, etc. because I know I'm not going to like their response.

Like Glory said, I'd just chat with him about it and tell him how you feel.  Sounds like he's been open and receptive to that in the past…

*hug*  Good luck.

Don't forget about professional courtesy.

I have friends that are lawyers. I don't just call them up expecting free legal advice.  I might ask them general questions, but if I need something past that…I take them out for dinner or beers, or I offer to pay legal fees.  I never expect them to do their job for free.

Same goes for friends that are doctors. I just don't call them up and ask them to look me over because I don't feel well.  I'd make an appointment and go into their office…or see my own doctor.

I think that some people are falling under that same catagory with you.  Yes, they know that you would do that for free…but that makes people feel uncomfortable.  They then feel that they need to do something in return to pay for the favor.  So, instead they just do what they need…

As for the boyfriend, I think that Glory hit that one on the head.  I seem to do that a lot, think that it's not a big deal…and come to find out that it is later on from Peanut.

But, after 8 years together….I tend to know what might be and what isn't now…so that just might be a function of time together.

Nothing to feel stupid about, mox.  Altruism is a very natural human behavior…evolution has chiseled into our DNA.  It's not wrong for you to want to help others out so badly.

On the other side of the coin, it's also a very common behavior for people to feel too proud to ask for help.  It doesn't mean people don't respect you for your knowledge.  The best you can do is be available for people and just hope they take you up on your offer.

I've heard countless times from friends after the fact that they didn't want to come to me for computer help because they didn't want to burden me.  It's human behavior…quirky, sometimes illogical, but always fascinating.

Mox you just rock everyone's socks off and these folks have said everything there is to say.

I've leaned on my friends way too many times to count, especially that crazy midwife.

Thank god I wont be having to ask her any pregnancy questions anymore…..well unless it's about grand kids.

*giggle*

So remember when I was bitching about my boyfriend not adopting and not listening to me?

Well, he's adopting Boomer. And I signed the adoption paperwork on Phoebe yesterday (he doesn't know that). Now when we sleep over Boomy and Phoebe can play. (They love each other.)