Perhaps I don't need the advice section, but I'm really frustrated with my mother.  My uncle passed away last week (my dad's brother in law).  My mom has never met the man and hasn't had anything to do with their family in years (in fact, all she can do is bad-mouth the kids).  I didn't want my mom to know because I knew she would have to stick her nose where it doesn't belong and would ask if she can go to the memorial.  When she went to my dad's brother's funeral two years ago, she just bitched about how terrible my dad was and bad-mouthed me as a mother and a human being.  Well, she found out last night and now she wants me to drive her to the memorial (which is over 200 miles on the other side of a mountain pass). 

I want so badly to tell her that she has no business going to the memorial of a man whose name she can't even get right, and to keep her nose in her own family.  I also know I am being irrational with that last part of the sentence because she has totally poisoned my name to "her" family and that I have a fear she'll do the same thing to me with my family.  She makes it abundantly clear that she hates my father (even calling him "that thing she was married to" in front of his living siblings and neices and nephews, and I quite frankly don't really want to deal with it.  That being said, I know I am being extremely selfish about all of this, but I feel like she is going to use this opportunity to make herself look like some sort of hero while she tries to make me look like shit.

Okay, so the venting is done and I just don't know if it would really make me look like shit if I said that I didn't want her to go.  Many of you know the history of my relationship with my mother, so you can maybe understand some of the back story.  But any input would be sufficiently appreciated…

I say dont go and tell her exactly what you just said to us.

She has no business going.

You have to stand up to her!  Regardless of whether you are going, you need to tell her what you just said to us.  Don't put yourself in a situation that will allow her to treat you badly.  You are a strong woman Peggles…

Just
Say
No

The biggest problem to standing up to her is she gets totally nuts.  The last time I calmly told her exactly how I felt, she became violent with me in front of my son.  I really think she has become bipolar over the years, and don't really want to risk the fallout.  I don't think I'll be able to go anyway because I don't think it's going to be good for Justin to be at a memorial service for someone he barely knows.  I wish I knew a way to be straight and honest with her without risking her freaking out.

I say just make sure that Justin's not around when you're telling her, but tell her all the same. she needs to know how you feel, and from what you told us she doesn't deserve to be around people who she'll just make feel worse than they allready will.

just tell her.

Sorry I didn't see this before now…

What did you end up doing?