So, on New Years night, my son and I were coming home when we noticed a fire truck and police car blocking the turn lane that gives us access to our apartment.  We drove around the vehicles and made it into our parking lot.  There were 5 additional police cars and an aid car in the parking lot.  There are 6 apartments in our section, but my immediate thought was, "I hope it's not Jessica."  We could see there was someone in the back, but couldn't tell who.  I went to a neighbor's house who is also friends with Jessica and she told me Jessica o.d'd.  She said she didn't know if Jessica was alive or not.  I spoke with one of the officers who said she messed with the devil and got very lucky because they were able to bring her back with cpr and an adrenaline shot.  My first thought was heroin, but I wasn't sure.  I later found out she had heroin, alcohol, and a bunch of pain meds in her system.  She was released and at home by 2 am.  Her children were taken by CPS, and it doesn't look like she's getting them back any time soon.

So, I'm left with just a very bizarre feeling that this person who my child spent time with and whose kids I babysat on a regular basis nearly died from this.  But it's heroin - the worst of all the drugs I can imagine (I know there are worse, but I don't even want to think about that).  It seems like there are a bunch of people who were involved that seem to keep making up lies so they don't get in trouble, but they forget that their (our) friend nearly died from this.  Now, I wasn't at home until it was nearly over, but I feel very nervous that this was so close to us and in our program (where drugs and alcohol are a strict no-no).  I feel bad for my friend and the road she has ahead of her, but she was stupid enough to play with this shit, then a part of me thinks she deserves what she gets.  I'm feeling so many different things about this because so many people I know were involved.  I am angry for her stupidity and concerned that she won't learn her lesson. 

I just wanted to vent in a safe place where nobody involved lurks.  Thanks for reading, and if it sounds incoherent, it's because I am not sure how to deal with it all.

wow Peggy, that sounds like a lot to deal with.

and feel free to vent as much as you like. that's part of what we're here for.

I'm sorry you had to come home and face this horrible scenario. *hugs*

They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves
But what good is that when you live in hell on earth?

First…sorry Peggy for having to deal with this.

Second…I just do not get it. I am so happy to just have a few beers or the occasional shot that make me happy, why do people have to delve into this shit?

I must just be boring.

Yeah..I know alot of this crap has to do with one's demons and past experiences. I guess I am just lucky that no one in my family has had any drug problems.

It's not about boredom.  It's all about brain chemistry.  It's damn near impossible to rationalize when your body is telling you it needs drugs more than food or water.  Hell, right now I'm craving some vicodin like crazy.  There are moments I'd take anything…even downing a whole bottle of Robitussin…just to shut down.  The only thing keeping me from teetering over the edge are the meds I take to keep my chemistry in check.  If a person doesn't have the support…chemically, mentally, and emotionally…it's very easy to get caught up in a downward spiral.  The right brain at the right time with the right drug can start a tidal wave of self-destruction.  One little mistake can turn a perfectly wonderful human being into a drug-craving zombie.

The good news is, everyone can be rehabilitated if they want it.

I hope this gives her the motivation to get the help she needs.  I pray for her every day - she has such a great heart, but there is this demon that rears its ugly head.  Not to mention there are people in her life that would rather see the fucked-up, partying Jessica than the sweet person she really is.  She says those are the people she attracts, but I believe she can change that if she wants.  I would love to be her friend and support, but I can't have this kind of shit in our lives.  That's where the other quandary - how do I be a friend without getting the drama in my life? 

Maybe talk to someone in Alanon…

Maybe keeping your distance is the best way to be her friend right now, Peggy.  She has to realize who her real friends are and what her behavior is doing to those friendships before she can want to help herself.

My mother had a similar friendship with a woman who would watch us kids from time to time.  She was a good person, but she, too, got hooked on heroin.  After a lot of grief, my mother finally realized it was best distance herself from the mess. 

a very close friend of mine in La Crosse died froma heroin overdose at age 24, just three days before we moved to St. Cloud.  Still haunts me to this day.

She's lucky to have another chance, I hope she tries to take advantage of it. 

I am not feeling too confident in her rehabilitation. She is hanging out with the people whom she got into trouble. She is looking for ways to cover up instead of getting help.

Just a little update.  I haven't talked to this person since the Tuesday after it all happened.  But I have heard that she is getting kicked out of her housing, and hasn't gotten her kids back. 

well, Peggy, I hate to say it but would *you* give her the children back with a recent OD in her history? As a teacher I surely wouldn't. The housing, does that surprise you either? I understand she might not have anywhere to live but she is ruining the place for everyone else and the saleability for the company that owns the complex…..

think about it, She keeps using she is going to start having people from that life start coming to her house. Is that what you want Justin around? They will be coming in and out of her house, if they aren't already, and do you want that around Justin? Once again, I wouldn't.

I guess my thing is that no matter how nice she is, she is a risk factor for those around her right now. I understand you want to help her and by all means do so when you can but look out for you too.

You're totally right, tj.  I am happy that she is respecting my wishes and not coming around if she isn't getting help.  I am disturbed knowing that shit was anywhere near us, much less next door.  It's been a lot more peaceful around here, and there isn't any drama.